Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Annual Neologism Contest

"Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

13. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

14. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

15. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist."

An interesting note: depending on which website present the WP's contest results, some entries have been either omitted or modified. I suspect it's to make them more politically correct. However, isn't that a form of censure? That could be an interesting debate.

However, what is even more fun, is WP's Style Invitational, where people with way too much time on their hands play with words and phrases. Anagramed phrases such as:
Bob Dylan, age sixty-two, appears in a Victoria's Secret commercial, singing while Adriana Lima slinks around in her undies.
= Ridiculous ad attacks women, i.e., insists sex appeal is a rich, incoherent old man and a servile bra-baring girl. Oy, I'm yawning. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)
or again, play on words like these:
  • Silent Bid x Hole in the Head = Shh for Brains (Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

  • Snack x I Live for This = Raisin d'Etre (Ron Bottomly, Columbia)

  • Roman Ruler x Awesome Twist = Pontius Pilates (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

  • Texcess x Snack = Best Little Ho-Hos (Chris Doyle, Raleigh)

  • And the winner of the Inker: First Word x Wrapped = Mummy (Lori Price, Leesburg)
  • Great fun for word lovers everywhere. Thanks to my friend Ron for pointing me to the neologism contest.

    1 comment:

    Adriana Lima said...

    Thanks for this article. I like it very much :)