Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Brave New Words

This is almost a year old, but my friend Ron Purvis sent it to me today and I got a chuckle out of it. I've inserted the entire article here, since I couldn't find the original link in the Washington Post:
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:
  • Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

  • Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

  • Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

  • Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

  • Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

  • Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

  • Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

  • Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

  • Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

  • Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

  • Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

  • Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

  • Glibido: All talk and no action.

  • Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

  • Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

  • Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

  • Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

  • And the pick of the literature:

  • Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Yeah. I know lots of those.

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